I have heard through the grapevine that some of my patients have been worried that I am unhappy with my job because my writing has become sparse and . . . well . . . sarcastic. More sarcastic than usual. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I am, actually, quite happy with how my professional life has progressed. Adding the responsibility of writing this blog has, at times, made the days and weeks more hectic, but, when I do write, it is always a pleasure. My wit tends toward the dark, so I cannot help but allow that in. It is part of who I am. I don’t think it is your best interest or mine to filter my human-ness and present a more bland clinical personna. That somewhat sterotypical approach toward psychiatry and patient care is readily available elsewhere. I have been told that my patients like that fact that I am . . well . . . human. I do not forget that I was a human long before I was a doctor. My family helps keep me honest with that daily.
Speeking of family, there is a reason that I have been a bit distracted lately (other than the usual September, end of summer, vacation is over sort of busy-ness). I wrote about my father-in-law on his birthday, April 30. On that entry (one of my first), I talked about how important it was for me To Be There for him. I have, unfortunately, had another opportunity to do so. Pop is getting older and the years are starting to wear on him a bit. Some medical issues forced a short-proceedure unit visit to one of Philadelphia’s esteemed centers of medical amazingness. Due to an unfortunate confluence of bad luck, age, over-zealous medical interns, and nursing and surgical snafus, a one day visit turned into a week long debacle that required significant intervention by my wife and me (assisted by some very excellent and caring hospital staff). The good news is that we got him out of the hospital before they killed him . . . but it was close. He is now at home with us recuperating.
Once again, I find my self reminded about how important it is to take care of each other. And I am reminded about how often people forget this, not only in their professional lives, but in their personal ones as well. One must read between the lines to get the full meaning of day to day living. It is not just that he needs someone to fix him his coffee. That he needs help bathing. That he needs to be reminded that he WILL get better and feel stronger soon. It is the opportunity to share space and breathe the same air. It is about allowing yourself to feel the love that you feel for someone and to be open to the opportunity to show it. About allowing yourself to be vulnerable and open. And about making it safe for someone else to feel vulnerable and open. The last week has been a struggle. I have had no time, little sleep and have been angry (at our health system), sad and frightened. Yet, it has been one of the best weeks of my life. I have lived life over the last week. I have made a difference. I have Been There for Pop and my family.
I love being human.
–Dan Hartman, MD
