Keeping your eye on the ball

It is so easy to get distracted. 

I have so many goals for myself.  This blog is certainly one of them, but it is only the tip of the iceberg that you see. And this goal started to be a goal several years ago.  I have had some of my goals for years and have done little to pursue them . . . life is soooo short and way tooooo busy. 

You folks that come in to see me suffer from the same distractible difficulties that I do, but this has more profound complications for you since you are in the process of healing.  What are your goals?  When you think of yourself as “better” what do you see yourself doing.  How will you be different than you are today?  How will your interactions with others be different.  What, specifically needs to change for you to start to achieve your goals?  This feeds right into the whole holiday period where we are forced to reassess who we are and what we do and what are our plans for the coming year.  Those irritating “resolutions” that end up being part of your own guilt cycle that brings you down when you think about it.  But really, if those goals were really . . . I mean REALLY . . . what you wanted to do . . . would it be so hard to do them?  Seems to me that the times I am happiest are when I strip away from my busy self all the nonsense that I have gathered around me and do the stuff that is at the core of who I am.  Then, I get a glimpse of contentment.  This can be hard for those with layers and layers of habits and expectations placed on them over the years.  But when you get yourself into a quiet spot where you are not going to be disturbed . . . and think back . . . to what it was like to be 10 . . . or 8 . . . or 12 . . . or 20 . . . or whatever age you were when you can pull on that thread of contented/happy/freedom to where you feel like your natural self.  What characterizes that time of life for you?  What did you do then that you could get back to and feel some of that same good feeling.

I’ll use myself as an example.  Music has always been a core feature of my growing up years.  Playing music, writing music/poetry/essays, listening to music etc was a part of everyday life for me and my family growing up.  Somehow, in the crush of life, I forgot that.  The 80’s and 90’s are a musical wasteland for me–I was in medical school and residency training and starting my doctor career and had no time for music (correction . . . I didn’t MAKE time for music).  I didn’t pick up my guitar for YEARS at a stretch (tho it sat in the living room gathering dust). And then my kids turned me on to . . . the iPod and Amazon.  And with it, I re-discovered music that I hadn’t listened to in years.  And found it easy to discover new music that just seemed to bring a part of myself back alive.  Although I continue to get distracted by the demands of work and family, I have found it easier to bring that sense of happy/content/excited back into my life through my old music hobby made new with the advent of technology and my own growth. I was listening to less NPR on the way to work and more music so that when I got to work, I wasn’t preoccupied with the worries of the world, but had a song in my heart and in my head that could sustain and feed me through the day.  

On a good day, I even pick up my guitar and play.  And I have more and more good days anymore.  I’m thinking about adding in another positive I used to do.  I used to stretch and sit quietly once or twice a day to calm my inner mind.  My life is a whirlwind of other’s expectations for me and it seems I am often running to fast to slow down.  But that is not good for me and it is not good for you either.  So my next step for myself is to find that quiet space between my ears and visit it on a regular basis.  You have a quiet space, too,  if you take the time to look.

So, for you . . . what would make a bad day a good day . . . or a good day even better.  What did you used to do that fed your soul?  Is it prayer or meditation.  Is it music.  Is it a good book.  Is it a walk outside.  Is it knitting or sewing.  Is it cooking.  What is it that you used to do that made you feel proud to be you . . . happy to be you . . . glad to be alive? It sounds ridiculously simplistic but, fortunately, not all of life is complicated.  One of the keys to happiness is to find those things that make you really happy and to do them over and over again. Basic cognitive therapy stuff.  Distract yourself from the bad stuff by doing good stuff.  Take time to do good and fun stuff every day.  Don’t get distracted by the whirlwind of crap in your life . . . keep your eye on the ball . . . keep your eye on your own happiness and what it will take to get you there.

–Dan Hartman, MD