Time to meet with the teachers!!!

OK gang . . . its October!!! You know what that means????? It time to . . . MEET THE TEACHERS!!!!  I don’t mean that passing by at the end of “back to school night” thing where you ask “how’s Raoul doing?” What do you think the teacher is going to say “Oh my GOOOODDDDD, I’m so glad you asked!! Your kid is OUT OF CONTROL!!!!” You might get some nuanced response that might indicate that you child is having difficulties, but rarely are you going to get the plain truth.  And you are certainly not going to be able to do any meaningful planning for your child who is having difficulty.  Back to school night is not for that. Direct honesty is saved for the parent-teacher meeting.  And the sooner you get to it, the more likely you and the teacher will be able to help steer your child through yet another difficult school year.  October is good.  Enough time has gone by where the teacher knows the kids well enough.  The “back to school” honeymoon is over and the crap is starting to hit the fan.  The teacher will be very happy to meet with you–it lets them know that they have an ally at home with the kid. 

Who should attend the meeting?  Anyone who is involved in the child’s educational and behavioral life at school.  That can be anyone from the principal to the lunch lady depending on what sort of difficulties your child has and who needs to be in on the planning.  At the very least, all involved teachers, a representative from the administration (principal/vice principal), the guidance counselor, both parents if at all possible, and the child.  If possible, another adult should come along and be able to monitor your child outside the meeting (if your child is very young or not in the best of control) so that some of the meeting can be held without him or her.  The focus of the meeting should be a quick review of the  behavior patterns that currently exist and what academic difficulties have surfaced so far in the school year.  The parent can give a report on what the child’s experience has been at home with homework and what the child is saying about the school environment.  With that information our on the table, plans can be made for intervention to help the child.  This should be individualized and, if everyone is thinking out-of-the-box, it can be very creative.  Whenever possible, having the child in as part of the planning team can help him or her buy into the interventions that are planned.  Otherwise, it is just one more thing that adults are “doing” to the child that must be undermined and thwarted!

All that said, here is the take home message that is frequently missed:  DON’T LEAVE THE TABLE WITHOUT PLANNING THE TIME AND DATE OF THE NEXT MEETING.  All the planning you do at the first meeting must be reviewed and  updated in about a month, and then at 6 week intervals after that.  It is impossible to cover all the bases and anticipate all the potential difficulties in a meeting or two.  If your child has special needs, the adults involved must periodically put their heads together and review and plan.  This sounds very time intensive, but if it is done and done well, it will save time.  Both teaching staff and parents will spend less time worrying, wondering and disciplining if there is a clear plan in place.  Parents should not be afraid of getting involved and speaking up.  The schools often feel that they are on their own.  And alone, teachers can do very little.  Together, you can make a huge difference for each other and for your child.

–Dan Hartman, MD

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