I put the following comments in back to back for a reason. Read on . . .
K writes in to say . . . I find being on so many medications made everything worse- not all- but most. The side effects where at times unbearable. But when I was on so many…it made me so doped up to the point of almost being high. When my doctor took me off of them I felt much more normal and more relaxed. But while being on so many, it almost gave me a sense of unreal, and I grew use to that. Now off the meds I feel like drugs are the way to bring back the “unreal subdued” feeling which I was feeling 24/7…now that everything else is under control– but me…
and . . .
S writes in to say . . . I went through that. As a teenager, I had some issues with depression. Between the ages of fifteen and 21, I was on 37 different psychiatric medications – with a record high of six at once. As it turns out, I am one of those people who has a paradoxical reaction to the reuptake inhibitors as a class. But 15 years ago, people hadn’t recognized that as a problem – so the response to worsening depression and suicidal thoughts was hospitalization and more drugs. When I was 21, I stopped the meds cold turkey – not intending for that to be permanent, only for a couple of weeks so I could drink at a party. My life changed that night – three days later, I woke up and realized my world had color in it for the first time in six years. It was stunning. 9 years later, I am starting to have some recurrences of depression – but I will never take an SSRI again. The drug-train isn’t worth it, for me.
This is like a before and after. Before and after growing up. Before and after medicine. K is a teenager, currently struggling with the issues that the second author appears to have lived through and mastered (to some degree). As adolescents navigate the turbulent waters between the simple black-and-white world of pre-adolescence and adulthood, there is a natural tendency to be overwhelmed. For some kids, the experience of wide ranging emotions, increasing responsibility, increasing freedom can be too much. For some kids, getting control can be as simple as working hard to master a task, or talking through problems with friends/family. For others, getting control seems an impossible task that requires extreme measures. Getting high, cutting, purging, defiance. It’s all about getting control of the ship in waters that are too turbulant to navigate. If you show up on the doorstep of the psych hospital or the psychiatrist’s office, they will be more than happy to oblige you and give you medicine that will control you. Numb you up. Dull you out. For some, it feels ok . . . for a while. Even if part of the experience is acceptable, there is always a component of it that is uncomfortable and bothersome. What S came to see is how the experience of life can be so much more full when the veil is taken away. It does require, however, more work and more self discipline.
It does come down to choice. “How am I going to manage these feelings?” “How am I going to do what I know is good for me?” My guess, K, is that you know the answers to those questions. If you don’t know the answers, you at least know who to go to for help. AND, you know who to stay away from. You know who will drag you down and reinforce negative behaviors and habits. I would agree with S that the answer may not be more and more psych medicine (although some may be helpful). But is drug use, self-injury, purging, defiance, etc. really the way that will work for you in the long run?
Doesn’t seem any better than being doped up on psych meds to me.
